I don't have much really to update, but considering that I don't update this blog much anyway, i thought I'd update you on a couple of things.
You may not realize this, but lately, i've been struggling hard core with life in general. This summer I dated a wonderful guy, and about a month ago he broke up with me, thus causing me to experience pain like no one should. I fell in love with him, and he broke my heart. One of the things he did was call me beautiful. He'd answer the phone "hey beautiful." and every time I heard it, i believed it. It felt like God, the Lover of my Soul, my "Daddy" was telling me that I was beautiful.
Well, after we broke up, i went in to this "I must not be beautiful because I can't keep a great boyfriend." and I started to beat myself up. And then last weekend people right and left were telling me "Kari, You're beautiful." and as much as I wanted to believe them, i couldn't because it wasn't coming from him, you know, that *guy*... the one that my wonderful Yeshua has planned just for me? Davina pointed that out to me last night as we were getting ready for bed.
I've given up dating because I'm sick and tired of the heartache, yet i don't feel beautiful because I'm not dating mr. right. I'm starting to wonder if he exists. Is my beloved out there, or am I destined to live with this desire for a family until God comes or I got Home to heaven? I have several adopted siblings, one of whom i haven't seen since he got married. I've got plenty of great friends, and I live with my best friend, yet I can't get past the stupid fact that I'm single, and since I'm single, I must be ugly, because no guy wants to date me, even though I know that's not true (at least I know I'm not ugly)
But I'm at a loss of what to do in the mean time. Waiting is hard work. I can't just sit still; i have to do my end of the bargain.
if only.......
eh, so i'm single. I've got guy friends out the wazzoo that i love and do anything for but not really any i'd marry... especially not George as he is now.
I still give up on dating.
And I'm beautiful.
I Kari Lynn Derrick am so beautiful that God wants me.
but not beautiful enough to have guys flock around me. And I think that's a good thing, because I'm horrible at saying no sometimes.
hisgirlkari at 4:58 p.m.